well, i've decided to write this entry entirely in english. and what does it truly matter at all? for anyone who reads this, who actually cares? i have problems, yeah, but no one understands them... no one cares about them... no one wants to hear them or try to help me. =/ but maybe i'm the creator of my own destruction. so many tried to tell me to move on and that life goes on, and i just didn't listen. BUT do they know how i've felt? can they truly understand how deeply i loved?... how much of my life was devoted? it seems i'm almost alone in this world. even when i've found someone(even if half-way across the world) who seems to feel and think as i do, they betray me and dissapoint me and abandon me. =/ and then i feel even lonelier. =( i give everything in me, only to be let down. it seems maybe i'm only too good for MY OWN good. everyone, both friends and the girl i love/loved, seem to only love me and need me when everything is down for them and that they feel life is at a low. i'm their savior. and when i've built their confidence up, and they can stand on their own, they somehow begin to feel that they can do better than me and that they don't need me anymore. =( ALL DO THIS!
LARA, i know you won't read this. i feel like i only speak to ghosts now. a memory of a person. but, you've truly broken my heart worse than anyone ever has. =( you said you loved me. and that i was yours forever. we made so many plans. we had so many hopes and dreams. and then, you abandon me. and i know there are others who you give better treatment. and i only ask, how could you do this? i gave everything for you. EVERYTHING! and you said so many things that seemed like the truth. just the fact that you loved me at all seemed like the truth. but with all this aftermath, you leave me with so many questions. =/ it's only, how could you love me SO much, how could i be SO important to you, and now, you won't even talk to me, won't be my friend, and won't even at least wish me a happy birthday?
you say i did NOTHING wrong. so how do i deserve this torment?
where did we go wrong for me deserve such abandonment? =(
"...IN MY NOTHING, YOU WERE EVERYTHING, EVERYTHING TO ME..."
p.s and i don't know why, but somehow my heart can never let go of you, no matter how bad my head thinks you treat me. my brain stirs with emotions, and i feel helpless to stop it. =/